Derrick Russell



Its gotta be tough to be a cow.  No matter where they are almost every single one of the billions (Maybe, I didn't actually look up the number) of cows on planet earth are raised to benefit humans.  Whether it is for Milk, food, or clothing our society would be a lot different without the cow.  Cows may live a doomed life but I think some cows have it better than others. 

Some cow out there today is going to be lovingly raised by some rural farmer, be fed the nicest and healthiest oats and grass and eventually that cow is going to become the greatest T-bone steak somebody has ever had.  The steak they got, that they cooked just right, with just the right amount of seasoning.  The steak that was so amazingly delicious they tell stories about it for years and years to come.  Good way to go if you’re a cow I'd think.

Some other cow might not become the world’s greatest steak, but his leather might upholster somebody’s very first car.  The leather in that car will protect it for years and years.  That person will remember that car for their whole lives and talk about using the phrase "it had the greatest leather seats"  Pretty respectable for a cow.

But who I really feel bad for is the Cow that doesn't become a great steak or premium leather.  I feel bad for the Cow that gets put into a Slim Jim.  Mixed in with whatever else is in a Slim Jim, vacuumed sealed into a vague meat tube, and is just sitting on a shelf in a convenience store for years until somebody realizes they are a little hungry but didn't want an entire bag of Beef Jerky.  And even then when they eat the Slim Jim it's not even like a really great Slim Jim, it is just an okay Slim Jim.  I feel bad for that Cow.

So this one goes out to you, Mystery Slim Jim Cow.  You may only be slightly appetizing, but you are not forgotten.

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06/04/2013 10:59AM
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